I really recently have not written anything very personal as there have been an instance or two where people have misread or used it against me. Frankly, my emotional state has been poor as of recent (combination of work ennui and the uneasiness of not being accepted externally the way I want to be accepted...I know that one can not dictate acceptance) and I don't see much merit in writing about how blue (or the varying shades of blue) I may be these days. I just don't seem to be able to get it together and I need to really regroup and work on me.
With that all being said I wanted to share a little about a wedding I attended over the weekend. Normally I am not a fan of weddings. Hardly ever go when asked. This weekend I attended one that really served as a reminder of what a little faith in one another can do.
This wedding (I am not going to touch on details as I am pretty sure the two who were married will not appreciate me sharing many details of their day) touched me as it shows that every pot has a top out there. But more than that it was making of not just a couple but a family. This resonated with me deeply as I have come to the conclusion that my great undoings in life is due to my need for and to create family. Until recently I never realized this. Looking back, this has caused me to make some poor choices. Furthermore, when coupled with the fact that I never really understood what love was till the last year or so, it was all a recipe for disaster. Some things I wish I could take back as they make me cringe (especially those within the last 2 years) as my actions were not the ones I would be proud to tell anyone about, but I am proud to be on the other side of a turbulent period with a little better understanding of who I am and what it takes to take and give love.
This wedding reminded me of this and in the end that what I hope to have one day will have to be done in tandem with a true partner. These two people had this partnership and I am pretty sure everyone who attended, no matter how content, had a twinge of envy as it was really spectacular to see two love birds go from being a couple to a real family.
LAL...I will let you all figure that one out.
Just in case you don't need or want to read my sensitive pony tail BS: