Fall has arrived and it is a reminder of what a rough and junky period the last 2 years have been for me. I feel as if I have hit rock bottom a few times, kind of the way a ball bounces to a stop. Jolted and jarred I am not always sure where I am anymore. The list is ugly and long of the stuff that has been lost. I use the term "stuff" loosely as I classify people, pets and all the other junk with that term. I am left with a stronger for sure, but also bruised and beaten. I want to almost start clean again with so many things: most importantly relationships. I know you can not go back in time, I just wish I could change things so that they were better than they are now.
I am not sure why I am full of reflection these past of couple of days... or maybe I do know but it could be too honest for me to even say out loud. I just know I wish I could change the outcome of so many things.
The self penance of being not quite right is a hard one to endure.
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