Now I like JJ Red Pants: he is a little older than my sister, pretty uptight, sort of serious, soft spoken, and a boozer. He looks older than his years (the booze) and my sisters friends used to rip on him and call him " old man river". I liked John for the most part. He was well meaning and I know he loved my sister, but he also tried to convert her to become an alcoholic. Bastard. Unknowingly, but still a bastard.
So I walked up next to him and his lady and decided I needed a little fun before my day. I am a real bitch without my first cup of coffee.
"John, you always knew how to run with the pretty ponies": His face was first struck with bewilderment as he was trying to place me. You could see him running through the mental roledex, probably slightly foggy as JJ more than likely had a few pops the prior night and assuredly the way he and his pretty play thing were kissing they must have had a smooch fest the whole night.
That moment of confusion in JJ's eyes then turned to the look of fear in his eyes as he realized who it was. It was such a brilliant moment.
He stumbled at first what to say and somehow he found the words to say ever so elequently "ahhh, how are you?" Smooth.
We chitty chatted as we crossed the street and finally his lady friend leaned over, stuck her hand out and introduced herself. JJ Red Pants must have forgotten my name amidst the shock. He knew who I was of course, but I could see that he could not remember my name. As I shook her hand and introduced myself I told JJ that "he really could pick a pretty pony." It was supposed to be a compliment, with just enough wise ass to be charming. He is so soft spoken I think he was a little overwhelmed by the contrast of the true ugly American routine I like to pull out every once in awhile.
His girl commented on how "gross and sweaty" she was and I told her I did not feel bad for her one bit as JJ and myself were in suits and she looked pretty comfy in shorts. She was a bit of a looker for sure. Good job JJ.
As we arrived at the steps to head down into the subway I was leaking sweat and was feeling the pressure of my morning work load starting to become burdensome, so I bid my adieu to the pretty pony and told JJ it was great to see him and hustled (not walked mind you...) down the steps. I wanted to jam to the tunes and be anti social as I needed to be ready and Johny on the spot this AM with people who sit in the corner offices. But somehow I knew JJ would be right there behind me like a lap dog.
As we jumped on the downtown express train, JJ Red Pants asked how the family was...which I knew was boy code for "how is my sister doing?" So I called him on it:
"If you are asking me how my sister is doing she is doing great" and I briefly went into what she was doing, trips and a few other small inconsequential bs facts to give a small glimpse in to the life of the woman he once loved...maybe still did love. Sometimes things, and I know this personally, never really die and there will always be a soft spot in your heart for that person. I knew that is what he was feeling.
I ran through a bunch of other shit with him, grilling him about his current kitty kat and what her deal was in hyper quick staccato. First pointed question: "she is younger gal right?" JJ Red Pants at first misunderstood and thought if I was asking whether or not she was younger than dear old sis. Little insight that he was a little distracted, because for some of his faults (which frankly I think is more of a function of the maturation process as he was well meaning and had a good heart...just sort of crap on the execution) he was a smart well spoken guy. But at that moment he must have been back at the teet of love with my sis...
John was good sport with me and politely answered my questions: Here are a few examples just to give you insight into what kind of ornery crap mood I was in. I was certainly merciless in a kind and sweet gentle way...Sometimes I enjoy playing the older brother tormentor....Today was certainly one of those moments.
- "how long have you been dating?
- "when do you pull the kid card with the ladies? Do you wait till the 2nd date or is it the 3rd date?"
- "has the new girl met the kid?"
At that point I looked JJ Red pants in the eyes and told him he looked good and I was glad things were going well for him. He looked sharp and I told him he should feel good about the whole circle of life thing (that is the kid) and that it showed he was responsible which is more than you say about most folks under the age of 35. I meant it all. I wish no real ill will on him but I never gave him a hard time when he was dating/chasing around my sister and felt he needed a little squirming for humility purposes. Who am I to decide that it is ok to do that? I am my sister's brother and you have to respect the ladies.